The Moment of Stopping

Philosophical

Oct 31

As I begin to suck down yet another cup of coffee I really do not need but find myself compelled to do for no apparent reason, I am finding the prospect of writing the content for this piece exhilarating with a dash of angst. On one hand, I am excited to share an experience which served to profoundly reshape my perspective as I walk the path. On the other hand, all of you, more specifically those who do not know me more intimately, will see another side of me, which may surprise you. No matter the conclusion you, the reader/listener may come to, I will connect it back to what inspires us to create.

Let’s start with some context. Most writers know or should know, when they create content, the audience needs to be considered, absent of preconceived notions. Although I am writing this piece for a website I created eight years ago, I cannot assume I have scores of readers who know me, thus no background information is necessary, and I can just jump right in to the main content. Assumption in written form is the same as it is in verbal form; it makes an ass out of you and me.

This journey and the specific tale I am about to convey stems from many facets of who I am but is directly tied to two elements: my being demisexual and walking the path, specifically Zen and the Dao. Those of you who actually read/listen to the pieces I create and watch some of my videos on Substack (https://gregorydcurrent.substack.com/) will be privy to both of these elements. For those who are new to both my individual self and writing style, I hope what is written will be enough to paint a portrait worthy of the words used to create it.

Labels are not my thing. Yes, I use them, merely to provide clarity for others who desire to understand and lean into curiosity. Labels have their place but should never be affixed to others without their consent nor used as a means to keep us prisoners in boxes we often create for ourselves. Labels are malleable and subject to change at the drop of a hat. We should not integrate them so tightly that we fail to recognize when their usefulness has come to an end. If we simply exist freely and openly in the current moment, clarity comes along for the ride. I have also provided additional clarity at the of this piece in the references section for some of the items discussed.

As one who identifies as demisexual and who is primarily attracted to men, I often need to form a strong emotional connection with someone first before experiencing a primary sexual attraction (appearance or smell). Developing attraction over time through an emotional bond is referred to as secondary sexual attraction. There is a lot to unpack in those last few sentences but rather than get wrapped up in the terminology, I am going to simplify it by explaining what it means to me.

This may fray some of the edges of the definition, but I would not be human if it applied to me exactly how it is described. At first glance, I can very much be about how cute someone smiles, how they carry themselves, and, yes, how they look physically. I like all body types, skin tones and those below me in age, typically18 to 40. What I require before any physical contact is shared is an emotional connection. It is about the energy one gives off. Can they hold a half-way decent conversation and be insightful when the situation calls for it. This applies to a one-on-one interest or one involving multiple people, often termed polyamory.

This is how I have always been, presumably since I was born. As I got older, I latched on to and identified as being gay. Back then, we did not have the knowledge related to the various spectrums of romantic and sexual attraction as we do now. I grabbed the label most accurately defining me at the time and ran with it for many years. It was not until I became much older and experienced the end of a 24-year marriage did I make the time to figure it all out. This is where walking the path and what that truly meant came into focus for me.

Although I have broken down the main points of this piece in to two separate elements, I do so for clarity of purpose. When it comes to walking the path, please keep in mind they are part of our greater existence. Since getting back in touch with my spirituality, I see the world and universe much differently. Please see my June and September 2025 posts for additional tales about my journey towards greater self-awareness.

Recently, I returned to an application (app), most in the queer community are familiar called Grindr. If we are to keep things real as is often said, Grindr is more of a hook up app than anything else. When you look it up online it self-describes as, The Worlds Largest Social Networking App for LGBTQ People. If the world’s largest social networking app is the latest euphemism for let’s make it easy to dismiss, hide, and block people, while toying with their emotions because we have forgotten how to engage and treat people with respect, then Grindr lives up to its online description. If you are wondering why I returned to it in the first place knowing full well it would not be the best fit for my demisexual nature, therein lies the crux of this piece.

My previous approach to the app had not been healthy as it relates to head space. I was very intentional about using the tools the app made available to me. So, I ensured a proper description for my bio was well thought out and fit within the very stingy 255 characters limit. I took the time to pick my 10 tags, choose the three tribes I belong to, and picked a gender. There were no choices for orientation and they, oddly, listed queer in the additional gender choices, which I do not consider a gender. Plus, I used my choices when picking what I was looking for and where to meet people to help provide further insights in to who I am. My profound conclusion? No one reads anything in your profile.

The more destructive and, dare I say, business as usual culture cultivated within the app’s ecosystem is the commodification of your body and those further perpetuating a setting where toying with one’s emotions is standard practice. There is an accepted norm of people coming in strongly, indicating how much they are in to you and a desire to get to know you better where the end result is the same; they just drop off the face of earth even though you can still see them active on the app. If I had one dollar every time some told me they agreed with me on how many weirdos there were on the app and indicated they were not like that, but it turned out they were the very person they just called a weirdo, I would be able to retire right now.

The reason I returned to such a dysfunctional environment was due to ego and control; two things I am currently working on to eliminate. I felt because I was in such a better place spiritually, emotionally, and had achieved greater insight in to walking the path, I could handle an environment inherently built on a framework of indifference. When you find yourself willing to compromise on your defining characteristics to simply meet the carnal desires of others, it is not just about the culture surrounding the app but about you as well. The app is merely a tool, and, like any other tool, you decide how to use it or, better yet not use it.

There is another element at work in this tale, one we all interact with in different ways but the realization of how we have perceived it is typically very similar. What I am referring to is the paradox of seeking. Seeking is often born from the belief something essential is missing, where wisdom, peace, or truth lies elsewhere. Yet, in many spiritual traditions (Taoism, Zen, Advaita, Mysticism), this very act of seeking reinforces separation between the seeker and what is sought. The harder one reaches for enlightenment, the more it retreats.

When seeking dissolves, awareness shifts. The energy once spent searching turns inward toward being. The mind loosens its grip on the illusion of control. This stillness reveals what was always present, which is an unbroken continuity of existence that does not depend on concepts, answers, or conclusions. The Taoist would say, “When the mud settles, the water becomes clear.”

Stopping is not apathy; it is surrender into presence. The silence of non-seeking allows truth to reveal itself naturally. This is precisely what happened on Saturday, October 25, 2025, just prior to me getting off the couch after having my morning coffee, where a video came across my Suggested for You list in YouTube titled, Peace Begins When the Search Ends by a channel called, Dare to do. Motivation.

Mere moments prior to seeing this video suggestion, I had an open and very heart filled conversation with myself, which I often do. I repeatedly asked myself, what is so difficult about finding the love and connection I am seeking? What happened in my mother’s womb that changed me so profoundly, I would be a minority within a minority? After I had allowed the emotion to spill from me, I asked the universe for guidance and literally said, I open myself up to you for any guidance you may have. Then, as I was getting up to start my day and turn off the television, I saw the video, watched it and the realization hit me square in the chest.

The emerging realization is not an “answer” but a seeing: that what I sought was never separate from what was sought. The divine, the Source, the truth, whatever name one gives it, is not an object to be found but the subject that has always been aware. The search ends because I, the seeker, dissolves into the sought.

In short, what I learned is when you stop seeking answers, you realize you were never lost. The remaining silence is not ignorance, it is knowing without needing to know. This is what inspires me on a daily basis, the ability to let go, live in the moment, and allow myself to be vulnerable. Our greatest writing comes from these moments, and they will serve to fuel your craft for many years to come.

Until next time, open yourself up to the universe and allow it to guide you. Let go of your preconceptions, breathe, and just be in the moment. Doing so will begin the cultivation of humility, thus creating a foundation where wisdom can take hold and give you the ability to stop seeking what is already within you.

Be safe, be well and let us get back to honing the fine art of creative writing.

References

Buddhism: Zen

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zen

Dare to do. Motivation

https://www.youtube.com/c/DaretodoMotivation

Demisexuality

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demisexuality

Grindr

https://www.grindr.com/

Happier Meditation: Stop Seeking

https://www.meditatehappier.com/meditationblog/stop-seeking